First and foremost, it ain’t easy being cheesy. 

Irishman and myself, we texted back and forth all day on Sunday. He called me a couple of times and it was so goddamned difficult to understand him that I requested we go back to texting. I know it sounds unbelievable but it’s true: he might as well be speaking Japanese with rocks in his mouth, that’s how difficult it is to understand him. See, you watch movies with Gerard Butler (Gerard /Gerald?) or Liam Neeson or Colin Firth and they have the nice Hollywoodized Irish accents. Not this guy, or as he calls himself, “An auTentic OiRish Lad” because it is difficult to understand him. 

Anyhow, we struggled to make plans but he is FIfO which means Fly in, Fly out. It is a very common thing here in Perth. These engineers, miners, workers… they hop on little planes and fly out to the Australia you see in your mind’s eye. The bush, the desert, the middle of nowhere places where you might find croc. dundee hanging out with the locals. Well, there is gold in them thar hills and guys like Liam go out and get it. 

Well when these guys do go out, its usually something like 3 weeks on, 1 week back. 

How do I say this without sounding like a jerk….WORKS FOR ME!

So Liam (if thats even his name, although I did see his ID which confirmed my maternal instincts MUST be kicking in as little baby is only 27) and I just texted and spoke on the phone for the longest time. I know. I know. Get to the good stuff, Michelle. There is no “good stuff” unless you call talking to a hot little Irish thing good. I don’t even remember if he’s hot. Scott Speedman, yeah, after 5 vodka red bulls. Oh, mercy. Well, he is still funny and still has that accent. 

He will be back in 3 weeks and we have decided to go out. If that even happens. For all I know, he could Iranian, back in Paris with is Gay Lover named Theodore (whom he calls Teddy) and they could be having mimosas right now laughing at me. 

They always do. 

Will keep you posted on the Irish guy. The funny thing is that at this stage in my life, I can’t decide if a guy is A) sweet B) psycho C) desperate D) Smooth/Sneaky if he texts a “Good night, whatever your name is.” 

**he knows it. its our very first inside joke. It’s all very terrible and so early on, too. God bless his Angela’s Ashes ass.