If there were a windshield placed over the bed of the south african man and his latest concubine, I would place this note right on top of their naked asses. I would quitely creep into their bedroom and lift the wiper and place this little note under it and walk away, never uttering a word.

Sadly, there is no windshield on them and so I had to leave them a note on their front door early this morning. See, their sexcapades had been going on since I last reported it to the proper authorities (facebook) and now its been days of one big Woodstock Music Festival. I want to scream “This aint the 60s assholes!” but it would fall on deaf ears because their are probably deaf from all their sexy nonesense.

Am I jealous? You’re goddamned right Im jealous and I hope they burn in hell!

So, last night was the final straw as he was out of his mind and I could have sworn I heard, “Squeal like a pig, boy. Go on! Squeal.” followed by, “reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeK! Reeeeeeeeeeeeeek!”

So, this morning I left a note. I know, it was a tough call. I could have left it alone but I think that they should have respect for neighbors. I mean, seriously.

“Hi, not sure how to let you know this without making anyone uncomfortable or without coming off as rude, that is not my intention. But, uh, we share a bedroom wall and I can hear everything. And when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I am all for you guys having a blast — God bless— but i think perhaps inching the bed frame slightly away from wall?? = )   For what its worth, you guys are rockstars.”

There. All better. Cut to him leaving a note to me saying, “HI, I cant hear ANYTHING coming from your bedroom. Absolutely nothing but the pages of books being turned. Nothing. Total silence. Are you dead in there? No bed springs. Nothing. Should I call the coroner???”

Convent, here I come.

UPDATE:

He left a very nice note apologizing for his noisy sexual eruption. Nice guy. But more importantly, his lady friend’s name is Linda. What a great name. Linda. Linda wears espirit walking shoes or her looks-like-a-pump feels like a sneaker shoes to go to work in the morning and she wears a scrunchie sometimes. Linda. What a good name.